23 April 2014

Seasons of Life - God Requires Obedience!

God Requires Obedience!

Even though Jesus was God's Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered.

-Hebrews 5:8

Now that Gods got your attention, what is he personally requiring of you? As I shared in the previous post God Wants your Attention! God told me to stop doing a certain thing that I enjoyed doing. What I enjoyed doing was not sinful but not beneficial either. God used the affliction I suffered in my body to drive me to my knees so that I could be in a position to listen to God and obey his commands. God doesn't tell us to do things for no reason. The Lord was preparing me for the greater issue at hand, the true battle I had to face. 

In order to be victorious in whatever season you're in or whatever battle you're facing, you need to be clean. God was cleaning my house of anything that would hinder victory and it starts with obedience. Everyone wants to be victorious but we need to be clean vessels that God can work through. We have to walk in obedience and we have to follow God's commands. I soon began to see that I was facing a vicious spiritual battle for someone that I love. I began to pray fervently crying out to God morning, noon and night. Following that fervent prayer I received this dream:

I was sitting in a class room with other students. There was  a huge mirror at the front of the class leaning against the desk as if it were the teacher. The mirror was dirty, spotted and streaked. I could see myself in the mirror from where I was sitting. I said to the lady in front of me, "Eww, that mirror is dirty"! She agreed and said, "You better believe that WILL be cleaned".

God is so gracious. It took me about a week to understand what God was saying in the dream. The Lord said, "This mirror is a reflection of you and many others. You are spotted and streaked just like the person you are praying for". I knew exactly what the Lord was talking about. There was unconfessed sin I needed to deal with. I quickly and sincerely asked God for forgiveness and thanked him for bringing those areas to my remembrance. I read PSALM 51 out loud several times to express to God how sorry I was. Side note: I did not commit the sin King David committed in psalm 51. I love how King David expressed remorse for the sin he committed.   

If you are facing a wilderness season, dry season or a spiritual battle - especially if the battle you're facing is for someone else because the Lord has placed that burden upon you - It is very important for you to examine yourself. The same issue that the person you are praying for may be an issue of your own and you won't see victory until that issue is taken care of. Make sure there are no open doors in your life that will hinder your prayers. 

It's very important to acknowledge unconfessed sin and ask for forgiveness. It will hinder your prayers. The bible says," But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness" (1 John 1:9). Ask God to reveal the issue/s that you need to confess, confront, change or stop doing altogether. 

Another area that God deals with us in is unforgiveness. Unforgiveness will hinder answered prayer

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

- Matthew 6:14-15

Wow! If you don't forgive, God will not forgive you!" That's serious stuff. We need God's forgiveness everyday! Forgiveness is a process but it is imperative that at some point we forgive.

So if you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the Temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your sacrifice to God" 

- Matthew 5:23

Is there is a relationship you need to reconcile? Don't delay in doing it. It doesn't matter who is right or wrong. Make things right with your brother or sister so you're not left to wander around in the season you're in. You don't have to be best friends with the person/s but you do have to love them. Oh, and pray for them too! I didn't say it, Jesus said it. 

God is loving, gracious, merciful, compassionate and extremely patient. God gives us plenty of time and space to just be. When God is ready for you to come out of that space he will begin to speak to you and you need to respond. It may be a specific command from the Lord, maybe you need to confront unconfessed sin or maybe you need to forgive someone that caused you pain. Whatever it is, be obedient to what God is asking you to do.

God is not a tyrant who roams around seeking perfection. He's looking for broken and contrite hearts. This means he wants you to desire righteousness and a spirit of humility. He wants you to walk in holiness and separate yourself from the world. He wants you to be free from the clutches of the enemy who has had a hold on certain areas of your life. God wants you to be everything He has called and purposed for you to be! You will get through this! You are more than a conqueror, you are victorious! Search your heart and ask God to remove anything in you that is not like him. Here is a great scripture to pray for God to reveal those hidden sins in our hearts.

Search me, O God and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there be any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

- Psalm 139:23-24

Next post will be on Using Your Prayer Language.


16 April 2014

Seasons of Life - God Wants Your Attention!

God Wants Your Attention!

But by means of their suffering, he rescues those who suffer. For he gets their attention through adversity.

-Job 36:15

I'm sure you've heard some say 2014 is your year of jubilee, miracles or even double blessings! I too feel that 2014 is a special year. One of the things I've learned in my walk with Christ is, if you are a Christian with a call on your life, your breakthrough or next level appointing will come with a price. Many people entered 2014 receiving breakthroughs and blessings upon blessings. Many entered into a wilderness season scratching their heads like, "God what are you doing"? Some people as I write are entering a dry season or a season of spiritual warfare. You might even be experiencing all three. 

  • Wilderness season is when you feel alone, lost and confused about what's going on in your life and you can't seem to move forward. 
  • Dry season is when there seems to be no open doors, no breakthroughs, your prayers seem to bounce off the walls and everything is dried up. 
  • Spiritual warfare is when the enemy attacks God's children or tries to take something away that was promised or spoken to you by God. It's a supernatural battle that takes place between God and principalities and spiritual wickedness in high places. Your role is to put on the Armor of God and stand firm until victory is won. 

I will be writing a series of posts sharing my personal experiences entering 2014 and what The Lord revealed to me. One evening (while in the middle of my season) during my time of prayer and reading the bible, I asked the Lord, "Why do I feel so alone"? As I continued reading - this passage of scripture lifted off of the pages for me to see:

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, It remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels - a plentiful harvest of new lives. 

-John 12:24

God explained to me exactly what was taking place in my life through this scripture. Every believer with a call on their life will enter a wilderness season, dry season and a time of spiritual warfare. It's a process you have to go through in order for your life to be powerful, fruitful and effective not just for yourself but for OTHERS. Your calling or purpose in life will benefit from this spiritual death. When all is said and done you will have developed humility, great character and unbelievable faith in God which will sustain you in whatever the Lord has called you to do. 

God got my attention: 

One morning in December 2013, I awoke with numbness in my left arm and tingling in my feet. I experienced this a couple of years prior and I knew what to do - so I thought. I inhaled a couple of Aleve pills and went on my merry way. After a couple of days it didn't get any better. I gobbled a few more pills and decided to relax by getting a five minute massage from the massage chair in my home. The balls in the chair were extremely hard and raced up and down my back kneading me in certain areas. It hurt like crazy but I didn't think anything of it because I've sat in that chair many times before.

A week later I still had numbness and tingling on my left side but now it was starting to affect my right side. From top to bottom, my back was starting to hurt. I whipped out a book I had purchased several years ago but never read called "The Makers Diet." I read the book from cover to cover in about a week. I really don't know why I pulled that book out but it blessed me tremendously. The author who is a Christian shared how he spent thousands of dollars searching for a cure for his chronic Krohns disease in addition to all kinds of infirmity in his body. He was sent home to die but his faith in God and the changing of his diet (God's diet) healed him completely. I was very inspired by his story and decided to change my eating habits and follow the plans in his book. There was a healing prayer that you would say in the morning and in the evening as you followed the plan. This led to me spending time with God in prayer. Pray means everything to me but I had slacked in this area for awhile.

Things were not getting better and I refused to go to the hospital. I was going to trust God to heal me through prayer. Hands and oil were slapped on me by my husband, children, parents, brother and sister n law, I even stood in the prayer line at church! There was no healing and no relief. My whole entire body was inflicted with pain and nerve issues. The pain was so excruciating I ended up in the emergency room. The doctors said it was a pulled muscle and sent me home to inhale all kinds of drugs. After that I was in and out of the hospital. I researched my symptoms for my lower back pain and realized I was suffering from Sciatica. I visited a spine clinic for my upper back and neck because it was affecting the nerves in my arms, face and head. I was diagnosed with cervical sprain. All of this from a stinking massage chair that I've sat in several times? This was not normal. I began to wonder if something spiritual was going on here. The pain was so great that it literally drove me to my knees.

I began to cry out to God for healing. I began to spend quality time in God's word again. I was in God's face day and night praying. My kids were like, "Mommy are you going to pray again"!? Yup! After awhile, I realized I was right where the Father wanted me to be. God wanted my attention. As I cried out to God I asked, "What am I doing wrong? What do I need to change"? Immediately the Holy Spirit told me to give up a particular thing that I enjoyed. That same night, the thing I was told to give up was confirmed in a dream. Without hesitation I gave it up. The bible says, "I have the right to do anything but not everything is beneficial" (Corinthians 6:12). God definitely wanted a sacrifice from me and wanted to know if I'd obey his command. Had I not been obedient to what God asked of me, it could have negatively affected what I was going to experience in the coming months. All I knew was God wanted my time and attention and He got it. I was so desperate for relief I told God whatever he wanted me to do, I'll do - thus the journey began.  

Are you in a wilderness season or a dry season? Are you battling spiritual warfare? Have you tried everything you know to do and nothing seems to work? Give God your undivided attention! Seek his face and cry out to him. Ask him what is going on and if there is something he wants to speak to you about. Ask him if there is something he wants you to change. God will speak to you in that still small voice, through the bible and in many other unique ways. You just need to pay attention and listen. Once you know what God wants from you, act on it immediately. Delay is disobedience. The quicker you obey God's commands the quicker you will move through the season you're in.

Next post will be on Obedience.


03 March 2014

False Prophets

“Let these false prophets tell their dreams,
    but let my true messengers faithfully proclaim my every word.
    There is a difference between straw and grain" Jeremiah 23:28

You can’t just wake up one morning and decide, “I’m going to be a Prophet”! It doesn’t work like that. Prophets are personally called by God. John Paul Jackson who is a Prophet to the nations said it best. “If you give a word from the Lord, it has to come true in order to be received as a prophetic voice”. His statement can be backed up by this scripture “All of Israel knew that Samuel was a prophet, because the Lord was with him and let none of his words fall to the ground” (1 Samuel 3:19, 20). Very interesting right?  It makes you think about the many prophetic words we’ve received from “prophets” that did not come true or did not agree with what the Lord has said to us personally. The role of a prophet is serious business and not to be played around with.

A Prophet is one who speaks GOD’S words, not his or her own words. A prophet knows and speaks the heart of God. I once heard someone say, “It takes 25 years to become a seasoned Prophet.” I believe it!  In order for a prophet to know the heart of God they need to spend time in his presence. It takes time to learn the voice of God and speak his words with accuracy.
“Have any of these Prophets been in the LORD’s presence to hear what he is really saying? Has even one of them cared enough to listen” (Jeremiah 23:19). This was the Lord speaking through Jeremiah the prophet regarding false prophets. True prophets spend quality time in God’s presence. A true prophet must develop a lifestyle of worship, prayer and fasting. The spirit of humility is extremely important for a prophet to possess. They must go through seasons of humbling and crushing to develop this spirit. Prophets must learn to keep their mouth shut and stop blabbering everything the Lord has shown or spoken to them before it’s time. Without a spirit of humility, prophets become reckless with their gift, therefore bringing hurt to the body of Christ. 
Many false prophets will appear and deceive many people Matt. 24:11 
A false prophet is a minister who deliberately teaches false doctrine. They teach very little about the word of God and they misinterpret it. They take the word of God and distort it for their own benefit to gain money, power and fame. They tell you all of the things that you want to hear not what you need to hear. Jesus warns us that false prophets will perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect (God's children). Look at what the Lord said regarding false prophets, “I am against these prophets who steal messages from each other and claim they are from me. I am against these smooth-tongued prophets who say, “This prophecy is from the Lord!” (Jeremiah 23:30-31). Wow!!

Here are some false prophet red flags to look out for:
  • Be careful when ministers urge you to make a sacrifice in your giving by stretching your faith so that God will bless you. You don’t have to empty out your account to prove you have faith. You don’t have to pay God for a blessing. Sometimes the Lord will place a dollar amount on your heart but if he doesn’t, give with a cheerful heart whatever you can afford to give.
  • Be leary of prophets who have a word for everybody. It's possible, but the prophetic does not work like that. I watched a prophet tell a young woman that I knew, she had low self-esteem and tried to give encouraging words because she was heavy set. Far from true. She told another young lady that she needed a beating. I zoned out after that. Like really?? This prophet had a word for everyone that came down the line. Then the church whipped out a credit card machine for those that wanted to give an offering. Red Flag! Red Flag!
  • Be extremely cautious of prophets who call out your first and last name perfectly, especially if it’s done in the church you attend. I know the Lord can reveal things to people but that should raise questions in your head. You have to think to yourself, hmmm could there have been a conversation about me? Possibly!! False Prophets want you to believe they move in signs and wonders. Don’t be deceived.        
In My Opinion
As children of God we have to be wise and discerning when it comes to “prophets”. Do you know a false word or prophesy will take you off course? Know the word of God for yourself and don’t be so eager to receive a prophesy from man. If a prophet gives you a personal prophesy it should confirm what the Lord has already spoken to you in your private time with him. Be leary of prophets who say, “In seven days this is going to happen” or “if you sow a seed of $37.16 in faith you will receive your breakthrough”. You don’t have to pay God for a breakthrough.

Jesus said you will know them by their fruit. True servants of God (what ever the call is) should put God first, follow his commands, and point people to Christ. They demonstrate good (not perfect) behavior and Godly character. True servants should help hurting people find joy and fulfillment in Christ; not deceive them, take from them, and leave them broken. It’s time to question spiritual practices taking place in the church that are not biblical. If it's not correct, don't support it. There's no power in the church because of evil motives running rampant and not enough holiness. Holiness is following the commands of Christ.

Are you called to prophetic ministry? If so, you need to understand your gift by studying the word of God. Read books, take some classes. John Paul Jackson has a wealth of information on the prophetic. The Holy Spirit by far is thee best teacher.

Let me stress this one last time, study the word of God for yourself so you'll know truth from fiction. Learn the voice of God. God says, "My sheep know my voice". If you know Gods word you can't be deceived or lead astray.



09 January 2014

Nothing But God Matters

Deeper Communion

Happy New Year!! This is my first post in 2014. Where do I begin? I have so much to share but I won't bombard you with one post. There will be more posts to  come. I guess I will just speak what's on my heart. God is calling many of us to deeper communion with Him. We have allowed any and everything to stand in the way of our relationship with God. I have spoken to several women this year that have in so many words said, "Nothing but God Matters"! They are willing to obey every command of God and they're willing to trust him in every area of their life. I feel the same way.

God wants much, much more from us. Many people are taking their traditional fast at the beginning of this new year. That's wonderful. Sometimes God wants us to get away from what we're accustomed to doing all the time though. Don't you want a fresh move of God? Don't get me wrong, I'm not against fasting at all. When I feel the Lord is calling me to fast, I do! But sometimes you have to do something different and not just go along with the crowd. What kind of sacrifice does God want from you specifically? Do you need to give the television a break in addition to your fast? Do you need to shut down two, three or all of your social media outlets for a time? Is there something or someone you need to cut out of your life permanently so you can have deeper communion with God?

God wants to talk with you and share some things with you in this season. God wants to speak with you about some hindrances in your life that need to be removed. God wants to develop character in specific areas of your life. God wants to fill you in regarding your future and the wonderful plans he has for you. Many times God speaks to us in a still small voice. We need to be sensitive to hearing his voice, even when he's whispering. How are you going to hear the voice of God if there is nothing but distractions around you? God is a gentleman. He's not going to yell at you or force you to sit down and have a conversation with him, this is a choice you have to make.

Our Spirit is not edified because we don't fill it with God's words. Our vision is blurred because we're focused on the wrong things. Our ears are blocked because we're listening to noise. We need more of God in ours lives. I said, "We need more of God in our lives." It's not that deep and it's quite simple to remedy. Find a quiet space and read his Holy Word. Make time for prayer. It doesn't matter how long you read or pray, you just need a desire for more of God in your life. "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled" (Matthew 5:6) I love that scripture!

You have an assignment from God. Do you know what it is? No more running after some man or some woman to find direction and meaning for your life. Go directly to the source, the one who created you! He has all the answers. In this New Year let's be all about "Our Father's Business." Surrender all to him without hesitation, because Nothing but God matters.



14 November 2013

Guest Blogger Tara Axson

Pursuing My Life Passion
People rarely do what they enjoy and hardly ever pursue their passion. Our passion tends to come secondary to what is suggested we should be doing. It’s probably because we always hear our parents in the back of our heads pushing us to be doctors or lawyers. Don’t get me wrong, those professions are excellent, but we tend not to explore what we really want to do. The options given to us may not be the ones we really want to seek. I was one of those people!

My mother and father wanted me to be successful, and pushed me to be the best that I could be. They wanted me to be in the upper echelon of professions so that I could “Make That Money!” They did not want me to struggle and wanted me to have a better life than they had, and you know what? We should!!! But a better life also includes what we are born to do! See, some of our parents had passions too! They may have chosen a career that paid the bills, instead of one they loved that could have paid the bills as well.

It wasn’t until the passing of my mother, and my father’s sickness (which almost took him out of this world) that I realized my profession was not what I really wanted to do! Here I was a Mechanical Engineer by degree, working as a Project Engineer for a construction company, making good money! I was able to support myself and more. I recognized, life was too short and I was actually a shell of what I could be. I wanted to wake up each morning skipping to work. I wanted a profession that someone had to pull me away from.  If long hours were required I wouldn’t mind because I truly wanted to be there doing it.

I did not feel that way about my current job. So, when my mom passed I asked myself, “What do you actually truly love to do, because you can’t leave this world having just existed!”  After soul searching, I realized that I have always secretly loved beauty, most of all doing hair! Well, after I came to that conclusion, a few weeks later I was laid off due to reasons beyond my control. Although I was devastated, I actually saw it as my opportunity to leap into the unknown and go for my dream! So, I enrolled myself into Cosmetology school (mind you I was in my 30’s, so you only know I was so removed from the classroom) to start my journey not only to become a cosmetologist, but with goals of becoming a Salon Owner. 
Now, 4 years later, let me tell you, it has been the best decision ever! Have I hit some bumps in my road? Yes!  But without those bumps and bruises, I would not appreciate my journey as much as I do. I would not have learned all that I know now. I still aspire to be a Salon Owner, but right now I’m gaining as much field knowledge as I can by working as a hairstylist.

You may be thinking, well what about that engineering degree? How opposite is that from what you are doing?!! I have a response to that too! Do you know it influences my career now?  I am all about those angles in cutting hair, all about those formulas for color, all about addressing the scalp issues that many have. I try to get to the origin of the problem in order to have a solution. I love hair care! I believe when you work from the scalp to the ends, the styling will be even better and the client leaves feeling amazing! When my client is satisfied, I feel amazing too. I could never trade that feeling, that’s what makes me excited to be in the Salon! So, reflect on yourself and ask, “What am I passionate about?” Like someone once said, “When you discover it, you will then find your oxygen.”
Tara Axson

03 October 2013

Train Up A Child in Prayer

My Prayer Warriors
"Train up a child in the way he (or she) should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6
If you're a parent, guardian or caretaker of children, you have a great responsibility. The scripture above says to train up a child in the way he should go. You can train or instruct your child to do anything, but I pray its positive and beneficial for them in the long run. In addition to stressing how important a good education is, instilling respectful manners, and teaching them to be productive citizens; I believe the most important training we can give our children is a spiritual foundation in God. It won't hurt to be good examples before them either. Jesus said, "If anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a huge millstone tied around his neck and to be thrown into the sea" Mark 9:42. Wow, Jesus is serious about his little ones. Hmmm. We probably should be too.
Children are a gift from God and we (adults) are responsible for raising them according to Gods instructions. God is not looking for perfection from us; just willing and obedient hearts to train up these precious children to know His ways. Can I encourage someone with a wayward child? If your child has veered off the path, and you've trained them in the ways of God to the best of your ability; pray for them, and love them right where they are. I'm sure the disappointment is overwhelming and the pain is great, maybe even unbearable; believe in faith that God will help them find their way back. For those who did not teach your children the ways of God for whatever reason, be the best example you can, NOW. Love your children, pray for them and trust God to put them on course.  
This post will be about training up a child in prayer. Most of us have taught our children the common bedtime prayer, "Now I lay me down to sleep," or the popular grace, "God is great, God is good, let us thank him for our food." Those prayers are cute, simple and perfect for getting children accustomed to praying. Those prayers are good for a time, but I want to challenge you not to limit your children to cutesy prayers. I believe children "can be" sensitive to spiritual things because their minds have not been tainted by everyday life. The purity in children allows them to have extraordinary faith, and as their prayer life develops, they will begin to see there is power in prayer. 
Children should know "The Lord’s Prayer." This prayer encompasses our everyday living in the earth. It's a great template for basic prayer. If possible, explain to your child what each line in this prayer means so they'll have an understanding of what they're praying. A child's prayer is powerful because they simply believe that what they are praying for will come to pass. As parents, we have to nurture that simple faith.

Many times I purposely let my children see and hear me pray, so they'll be comfortable and accustomed to a lifestyle of prayer. My children are seven, nine, and sixteen years of age. I try to set aside time for prayer and bible study in my home, and I always let THEM open and close our study with prayer. In the mornings as I drive the kids to school, we have a short prayer session. Each day, a different child, will lead the prayer session which consists of The Lord's Prayer, Praise and Worship, and Intercessory prayer which teaches the children to pray for the needs of others. I teach my children to memorize bible scriptures because it’s important to couple prayer with the word of God. I feel scriptures add more weight and authority to our prayers.
Our children need to understand there is power in their prayers, and that prayer can actually change things! Cute little prayers for children are ok, but we can’t let them stay at that level. The world we live in is becoming increasingly scary. Our children, who are the next generation, need to know how to pray with power and authority with the word of God if they are going to see change in the world and in their own lives.

Let your child freestyle in his/her prayer by allowing them to pray whatever they want, or you can give them something to pray for. Correct them when you hear the prayer is a little off, they have to learn, right? When my seven year old was first learning to pray he would say, "Thank you for worshiping us Jesus." I would chuckle to myself then correct him by saying, "We love to worship you Jesus" lol!!
I hope you accept my challenge and teach your children to pray mature prayers so they'll start to develop a powerful, effective prayer life of their own. Teaching your children to pray establishes a strong foundation in communication with their heavenly Father, so when they grow old, they will never depart from it.


19 September 2013

First Love


In 1999 I was seeing this guy who presented himself as an attractive package. He was handsome, intelligent, financially secure, and pushed a cute luxury sports car that we would take fun joyrides in. I never came out of pocket for anything with this guy unless I insisted.  It was nice to not always have to go Dutch or hear the words, "I'm broke." We had fun! Always on the go. Needless to say, I was impressed and quite smitten with this dude but everything that glitters; ain’t gold. You see I was saved, a church girl. He didn’t know anything about church and didn’t really care to. I was also a virgin, saving myself for that “man of God” that would share the same faith and ideals as me! He didn’t understand all that either and this became a problem.
Men in the church were not asking me out! I'm sure many Christian women can relate. Plus, I had a type and was drawn to dudes with a street edge and I guess they were drawn to me. I didn’t look like a church girl but I knew God and his word. Hey, since nobody in church seemed interested and I was tired of being alone, I ignored the "Be ye not unequally yoked" scripture that we Christians love to quote, knowing there was and is truth to that command.
The relationship started to become stressful. I wanted him to conform and be on the same Christian page as me, he wanted me to conform and give him some TLC. Well, after pleading with him for almost a year to visit my church, he came once got saved and never came back again. I felt he did that just to please me. I honestly don’t know how sincere he was in giving his life to Christ but God is the judge of that. I constantly felt this pressure from him to have sex. Of course I was attracted to him and there was plenty of temptation, but this was an area I would not compromise. It was very important for me to keep my virginity. For one, I wanted to please God. Two, I was afraid of becoming pregnant. The relationship was not working out but neither of us wanted to let it go.
While struggling to hold on to this silly relationship, I had a very short but disturbing dream. In the dream I was having sexual intercourse with my father. Yes, my daddy!!  Yuck right! It wasn’t until years later I realized the meaning of this dream. In the dream my “earthly father” symbolized “God my father.” The act of intercourse symbolized intimacy and closeness. I know this might sound crazy for those of you who are not dreamers, but the Lord was conveying in a symbolic way that he wanted a relationship with me. He wanted me to know him in an intimate way and he wanted to be myFirst Love.” Remember, in real life I was a “virgin” and my earthly father has never touched me inappropriately before. This was a symbolic dream with a message from God. I knew God but not in the way He wanted me to know him. I wish I understood the meaning at that time because it would have made letting dude go, that much easier!
Throughout the relationship, I felt like the Lord wanted all of me, not part of me. I began reading my bible and praying more consistently. One Sunday, my Bishop preached about letting go of relationships we have no business being in, so that God can prepare you for the person HE wants to bring into your life. He said before that can happen you have to let go of the person you are holding onto. It felt like I was the only person in the sanctuary and he was speaking directly to me. I felt sad because I didn’t want to let this person go, even though I knew he was not the one for me. I felt afraid of being alone and never meeting the right guy. I was envious of my girlfriends who were getting married and having children. I was getting close to thirty years old and still didn’t have what I longed for- Prince Charming. Bishops sermon kept re-playing in my head and I said to myself, “I’m going to end it." 
I think dude could sense the end was near. The day I was supposed to “end it” he took me to the mall and told me to pick out what I wanted. Are you kidding me!! Satan, get thee behind me!  As difficult as it was, I refused the shopping spree but still didn’t end it, so the Lord did it for me. That evening we were at his house watching a movie. He was being touchy feely and I rejected his advances. I just want to watch the movie man!! Dag. He got upset because I wouldn’t give him any TLC as he put it. I was so sick and tired of hearing that stupid line. I jumped up, snatched my purse and stormed out of his house. The next day I called him and left a message. Still didn't end it. Don't judge me. Ladies, I was weak but God was strong! Lol!  I was willing but God was able!! And He worked it out. Dude didn’t call me back and I never contacted him again. Just like that!  It hurt a little, but honestly I was relieved and looking forward to knowing God in an intimate way, and I did. I obeyed God and he became my everything! A year later I met my husband who was sent by God. Forget the rinky dink package I thought was so attractive; my husband was presented as a colossal shipment!! Full of amazing qualities and character. Of course I had to open it up to find all that out. Lol!! I am blessed beyond my wildest dreams and we both love Jesus!  
Can I challenge and encourage you? Only one person should have your heart completely and his name is Jesus Christ. Is God your First Love? Are you holding on to something or someone you know was not God sent?  I know the feeling of loneliness and depression all too well. We will settle for almost anything to make those feelings disappear. The bible says, “Seek first the Kingdom of God and all other things will be added unto you.”
Make God your First Love, companion, provider, and best friend without compromise. The wait is worth not settling. Don't let "anything" get in the way of your relationship with God. I know sex is huge for many people, especially if you've already experienced it, but born again virgins are practicing celibacy everyday and you can too! You may get weak and fall a few times, it happens. God is not looking for perfection, just those who are really trying and have repentant hearts. Get to know Him intimately and obey his word. When the time is right, your blessing will overtake you, but it depends on you! Your relationship with your “First Love” has to be established so that nothing and no one will be able to move Him from his position.